Christmas Letter

Dear Penelope,
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I wish I could celebrate this wonderful day with you.  I wish I could see the wonder in your eyes, taking in all the exciting new things Christmas brings.  I wish I could be happy today. I wish I could have woken up to you, excited to show you the joy Christmas brings. Smiles all around. 

I wanted to show you Christmas lights, but I stay inside instead.

I wanted to let you “decorate” the tree, but a tree was never purchased.

I wanted to hang your stocking up and fill it with toys, but I look at it and I can’t hang it.  It hurts too much to know it will never be filled.

I wanted to sing Christmas carols to you, but I struggle to listen to them.

I wanted to let you try a sugar cookie your Auntie loves to bake, but they sit on the counter.

I wanted to teach you all about Christmas and what it means, but instead I’ve been avoiding Christmas all together.  Wishing it would pass as quickly as it came.

I wanted to do something you honor you this Christmas, but I can’t bring myself to do anything.

I remember last year, talking to your daddy about it being our last Christmas together.  Looking forward to our first Christmas with you.  I miss you so much, that will never change.  I will always want to hold you again, just one more time to say how much I love you. 

Merry Christmas, Penelope.  We love you so much.

Love, Mommy and Daddy